Call of the South

I first moved to North Carolina for two years, then D and I moved back to the Midwest. Two years later, we found ourselves back in North Carolina, D lured back by the call of grad school. We stayed for six years, and then moved back to the Midwest. Well, a couple of weeks ago, D got a call from the chair of his old department. The chair wants him to apply for an open position. The position would start in the summer of 2009. You can see where this is going. Is it time to move back to North Carolina?

Anyone who's been reading this blog knows that the move to Chicago was a difficult one for me. I really, really liked my job and felt good about my career and prospects. I really grew to like North Carolina: it seemed neither too big nor too small, was a vibrant, growing place, and seemed very family-friendly as well. Really, the heat was the toughest thing about the place. It was a tough, emotional haul to leave, but D and I came to agreement that it was the best thing for us. He had a good offer for a tenure-track position, I had a job lined up as well. Chicago is a big place, and if things don't work out job-wise, there's lots of other opportunities in the area. Plus we knew and liked the Midwest, and have family in Michigan, so quite a bit closer than North Carolina.

We didn't exactly burn our bridges, but we severed our ties in North Carolina without an expectation of returning. We sold our house, we bought a house here, I resigned. I tried not to look back, just to look forward. In the midst of it all, I got pregnant, and now some of our choices made more sense: closer to family, buying a house made for a family. So when just over months after moving here, D got the invitation to apply, I felt pretty angry. We could have stayed in NC and D worked in a temporary position for a year. I could have kept my former position, stayed in our house, continued to love the nature trails, the food coop, the sports, the music ensembles, and seen my friends. Could the timing be worse? Of course I would love to move back to North Carolina, but not after just moving barely a year ago! I cried a few tears. Now I am calmed down, and am returning to looking forward, not looking back, but I remain very conflicted about what we should do.

I would love to be in North Carolina, but I would not love to move back to North Carolina. The economy is not exactly up for house-selling, so it would be a big financial hit immediately, although we might make that up over time with a lower cost of living and higher salaries. I found the move stressful enough without a newborn, how could I handle it with one? And I do like it here. There are things I don't like about my job, but I am still learning new things and have opportunities to grow. I certainly don't dread and even enjoy going to work (as long as I'm not wiped out, which does happen with some frequency). Chicago is a fun place. I have friends here as well, there are lots of things to do, we like the house, we like the neighborhood, it also feels family-friendly. As a big place, Chicago feels overwhelming, but as a big place, it also has lots of options. Things might not always be easy or convenient, but whatever you might want or need, chances are Chicago has it.

Then there is the issue of family. Here both my parents and my in-laws are about a 5-6 hour drive. It's not close enough to swing by and help out for the afternoon, but it is close enough to drive in for the weekend. Both have offered to help out after I give birth and I'm extremely grateful. From everything I've read and heard, I can't underestimate how difficult the postpartum period will be, or how much my life will be changed. I say this not to sound overly worried or resentful, because I'm thrilled to have the opportunity, but I'm trying to be matter-of-fact and honest with myself about it, but I don't really know how to adequately prepare for it. If we move to North Carolina, it will be a 13 hour drive away from family. I would lose that closer location to family. It feels a little like trying to choose between between career and family to a certain extent, and I don't know how I'll feel after giving birth.

Moving to North Carolina would not be moving back. It would be moving forward. Things would not be the same. I have no job there, and don't really know if/how I could be hired back. It wouldn't be for the same job, as they will have that filled already. I haven't tried to live there with a small child. I don't know if we could find another place to live that we would like as well. D would be a professor, not a student. We might know and love the area, but there would be many things that would be different. I wonder if I am pining for something that just doesn't quite exist, because we did choose to move to Chicago.

We have some time to think about this. This is one of those posts where advice would be welcome, but ultimately I know D and I will have to figure out what we think will be best for us. D will probably apply and then sometime this winter be invited for an interview. At that point, we'll should have a better idea of what we want to do, and whether he should go for an interview. Of course he could go and not even be offered the job, so it all could be for moot. I hate thinking about moving again, it puts everything in a limbo, a feeling I was not missing, but yet it's back. The best thing would be think of it as simply an opportunity. If we don't follow it, we'll be no worse off, and if we do, it could lead to some hard choices but new options. Life never quite seems to get less complicated!